The Morning After Pill... hard to get down.

So waking up this morning, after last nights conversation with her, I'm feeling even less at ease. In fact, I feel like she might never be able to get on board with this relationship in a manner that would benefit both of us. She's just so removed from me. Anything I do is going to be "too much, too fast, too soon" for her. Now,of course I'll hear from some of you saying, "she's scared gary, she just needs time." well guess what? I'm fucking scared too! The one person that can help put the fire out in those fears seems to want nothing to do with me in an emotional or physical level. We seem to be at a wall. she needs to have time and and wants to go on dates and counseling and wants to "rebuild" all of that, but I'm already there, and it really bothers me that she needs all of that just to be able to even get started on the things I need. we're both entitled to our feelings and needs of how to do this...I'm just getting out my thoughts about this. It's not like I'm NOT going to try to rebuild this... but what if later down the road after I've put my all into this and she STILL isn't affectionate with me? What if we still can't get that connection back? would this mean that I was right in the first place that if the initial spark isn't there in the first place, why try? I don't want to be right about this... even a little. 

Damn I hate this shit. It's so confusing and my brain is already on overtime without pay.

We (hopefully) have our first counseling session on Thursday. I'm not sure if I should refrain from contacting her until then or not. Maybe I'll just leave the ball in her court and see what happens.I still don't get the vibe that she reads this so it's not like I'm telling her to do so.

Ok, time to get ready for work.