Keys

My Mom once told me that you could tell how much responsibility someone has by how many keys they have on their key chain. That stuck with me my whole life, and it's totally been true for me. Before all this change happened in my life, I was actually complaining on how many keys I had. It was uncomfortable having them in my pocket. As of right now, I have 3 keys. Two of which are bike lock keys, and one house key. For some reason this really bothers me. It's just a constant reminder of all that has gone south in my life over the past year. While I'll admit that things have slowly gotten a little better, I know that I won't feel on top of things until my key chain gets a few more keys hanging off of it. Things that need to happen to change this are 1) working at the shop long enough to get keys and 2) getting my own apartment. Both of these things are so up in the air right now, and that leads me into the next part of this blog...


Some of you know about this already, most others do not. Things aren't set in stone yet, but they are plans that I would like to see happen...

After the first of the year, I want to move to Portland, Oregon.

I've spent all of my life living in California, minus a few years here and there living in Texas. The two places I've spent most of my time in are the Bay Area, and Sacramento. I've got amazing friends and family in both areas, and I love them dearly. However, these places are also filled with bad memories. So much so that they actually outweigh the good memories. I would love to be in the bay area and not be reminded of my fathers passing every time I see a place we have been to. I would love to go around sac and not see 2 failed marriages and my mothers passing around every corner. Sac also has other painful memories I'll refrain from bringing up here, but I'm just over the constant reminder.

The past year has brought so much change into my life and I've tried fighting it the whole way through. Recently I've decided to try a new approach and just go with it. If things are gonna change, why not change EVERYTHING? Get a fresh new start. It just sounds like it's the right move. Like I said earlier, it's not set in stone, but it's an eventual goal.

It's not that I hate being here or anything. In fact this is one of the better times I've lived in Sac (lived here 5 different times!!!!). My room mates are awesomely amazing. My friends are super supportive and even when I try to be a hermit and let the dark cloud overtake me, they push their way through it and help lift me up. The shop I'm working at has great people working there and I really enjoy their company while working. Titan likes having a back yard and other dogs around, and probably loves going to parks that don't have a million bums in them like SF did.

I feel like I'm just kinda spinning my wheels out here. I can't seem to get on top of things. I'm feeling like it's because I'm not really giving it the chance it needs because of all the bad feelings I get about being here, things that have happened here, and the reason I'm back here. A full change of pace and scenery would really help out in this aspect. Going somewhere totally new to me just sounds like a great idea. I could be wrong, but there's only one way to find out.